There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
