Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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