fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
