it was like his penis was on wheels.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
