I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
