Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
