I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
