my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
