do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
