I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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