We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
