You're my little dorito
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
