i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
