it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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