This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
