he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
