Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
