i'm signing you up for texting rehab
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
