im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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