In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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