Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
