I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
