I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
