you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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