I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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