i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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