I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
