Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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