zippers are such a cool invention
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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