you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
