last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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