i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
