I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
