It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
