tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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