I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
