Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
