Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
