did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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