what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
