Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
