Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
