I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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