i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
