Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
