If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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