I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is my gift to your gina
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
