You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
