I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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