You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
