we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
