Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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