How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
