Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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