Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
