OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
