Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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